toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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