Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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