dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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