barbara walters just said penis...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
only if we run a train.
done.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
