dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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