Already got asked if we're dating
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
