You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
