see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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