Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
