Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
