We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
