The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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