It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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