I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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