I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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