I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
