I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
