Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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