the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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