Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
