so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
