Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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