You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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