forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
