My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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