There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
