She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
