cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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