So drunk its hurt
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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