She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
