some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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