Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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