Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
