pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
