I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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