I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
