So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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