Can Purell be used as lube?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
