you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
