i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
