So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
