There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
