yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I could fuck to npr.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
