No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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