i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
