I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
