Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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