Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
our cab driver is having phone sex.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she peed on how many people?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
