Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
