Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
