Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
