found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
