The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
