the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
