I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
