see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
