Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
