Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
