so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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