i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
