i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
